This is a very personal journey I will be taking you on. This series of teachings developed during a very hard space for me in my life. My past was haunting me in a very overwhelming way. My moments of the present were being dictated by the ever present past. In this state of mind I had no future. At least not the future God intended for me to have. The truth of what justice and judgement were became a reality in my life when I made the choice that my past was NOT going to rule the moment I am living. The story I share here is of a time and reality within me and my journey of my spirit to the teachings of a wise and ancient time.
I can truly understand and feel what the apostle Paul must have felt when he talked about the times he was being taught and when revelations were being given to him.. in the spirit or in the body I know not.. The mind can not discern
We will start this story at the point of recall… where I had been at the temple for about a month. Ri Kaun, an Asian wise-man in a very ancient temple and time, taught me. It was at the dinner table that Ri Kaun addressed me and asked me about my family. My response was that to me my family was dead. You see I had felt alone because of the family dynamics and the physical limitations I had from my childhood. The Monk sitting next to me asked me why. I expressed that I felt that my life had been turned into nothingness and was void. I felt that I had been mistreated by my family. I felt that my life was stolen long ago. My thoughts and memories were being ruled by the feelings of neglect and loss and multiple paths of abuse and being bullied. My mind at this point could not recall any good things of my life all I “knew” was abuse. I only felt a sense of duty and obligation to my family (which at this time was really only my Mom) which seem to drive me farther down the road of destruction and hell in my life. She had not been there in my life when I needed her as a baby… She seemed to resent me. In many ways we were alike, she could not move and function well because of the stroke she had when I was born and I continued to have issues with my legs. My mom was like 2 different people. The one I was remembering at this time in my life was the angry, bossy, intolerant one that would rather throw things and yell.
I exploded in to a rage about my life. After my venting, I looked over at Ri Kaun, he was smiling. I knew that smile. It was that smile of “he is learning” the smile of “he is ready to listen” “he is at the place now” WISDOM WAS COMING. he said I had judged my family and that I had set out judgement for them by removing myself from their reality and that I believed that it was the “right” thing to do. He asked me a simple but profound question. “Have you weighed all sides of the situation before you removed yourself from their reality?” He started to ask me different things about my Mother, my Father, my brother… things that I could not answer.. things I had not considered or thought about. I realized I was not able to see the situation from their perspective. I did not know the whole of the situation. I answered a bit irritated, “these are questions no man can answer except the person themselves and they may not even know the answers.”
Again that smile” You are correct” “why then do you ask me these questions” “Are they not repentant to you making your decision and your judgment?’ ” Of course they are!” “Then how can you judge and make judgement on them when you can not answer these questions?” I had been to this place before, completely dumbfounded by the wisdom in front of me. He was right of course, annoyingly so. I did not want him to be right. I wanted to be right. I wanted to be justified in my actions, thoughts and choices. I was understanding what he meant. I realized what he was teaching me was that no man has the right to judge another or to pass judgement because you do not know whole of the situation. As I sat at the dinner table I came to a very profound realization that I was blaming my own foolish decisions on someone else, in doing so I was removing my power to change them. I would like to tell you that ended the pattern of making foolish decision, but it was not, but it was a major pivotal point in my life. The wisdom from this teaching is still healing layers of pain in my life today.
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