The fatal flaw in justice and judgment is that you can never know the whole of a situation. You do not know all of the reasons for something being done. I came to a better understanding of this truth when I was doing some volunteer service for victim services, a part of a non-profit group that was within the shelter system being developed for Kitchener, ON. I found myself in a place of RAGE and HATRED toward those that were treating the women and children this way. It found that it blocked me from seeing the path for their healing. Because of my past, I CAN NOT!!! I could not be their guide or counselor. I knew again that MY PAST, my feelings, thoughts, and beliefs were trying to be in a place not meant for them to be. I needed healing myself. I returned to the old teacher…
At this time the old teacher was a priest that had started me working within this community. I went over to the church where I knew I would find him. “I am done, I am finished!!!” He had heard this from me a few times before. ” I can not help these women and children. I do not have a way to put my past away!!” He asked me “Why do you think you need to have an answer to “putting away your past”?” ” It is the only way I can see that I can help them.” “I did not choose you because you have great counseling skills, even though I believe you do. And not because I believe you can be a good bodyguard, even though I know with your size and ability you can be. I choose you to do this because of your past, I want you to understand that you can use your past to help in the healing of others. YOU CAN because of your PAST. “Use it to heal?, I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO FORGET IT!!” “You are trying to forget the school that God brought you through. This is all part of who you are and what you came to be and do.”
I felt like I was sitting at the feet of Ri Kaun again. who had stated, “You can not forget the past you can only learn from it.”
What was in my eye? after talking with him for a few more minutes. I could see what was in my own eye. It was the fear of becoming like those women and children, and a realization that I had been like that once myself. I realized that I was not to be afraid of my past, but I could use it to show others a way to heal.
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